Birthdays

Well, yesterday was my 36th birthday. Age is a funny thing. Part of me refuses to grow up. I can be silly with my kids - and play on the floor with them - and I don't think that will change. I plan on being that kind of Grandma someday too. But to say I am 36 does not seem to register with me. I know 36 year old women who act like you would think a 5o+ year old would be like. But what does that even mean? We put into our minds what society says each age should act like. I know in my 20's I was constantly trying to dress the part of a "mom". Just before I turned 30 I remember thinking - "Who am I dressing for?" Why am I not being true to myself. So I started wearing surf shirts (Men's t-shirts with logos from Quiksilver, Oakley, OP). I had finally felt comfortable in my own skin. I also started having confidence in myself and ability to make decisions that I truly became more of "myself" -- I guess you could say I was becoming more true to myself.

Looking over the past 6 years I can also see things I need to change back to my "old ways". The first few years of transforming I had opportunities where Kirk asked me talk to this company or that about pricing or over charges. I had to be tougher - and I did it. It was empowering to see that I could stand up to people without them walking all over me or me backing down and giving up. I also had things in my business happen where I lost money because I could not stand up to them or I figured it was not worth the fight. After a couple of things like that - and having a few successes over phone bills or whatever they were - I started NOT backing down. Becoming more tough on my stances and not backing down. Which is good in business at times - but not as great in your everyday dealings.

I am not that way all the time - but I have noticed lately that I go into that stance way more easily than I ever have before. Not sure if that is because in the last year my teenager is way more argumentative and I feel I have to stand up to it and so I have had way more practice doing it or what the cause is. But as my birthday was approaching I took inventory of what I could work on in my life.(I do this every year.)

So, I think becoming more my true self is an ongoing thing. I believe our "true self" grows and changes as our life and age changes. We need to constantly take inventory of what we have done with our past year that has worked and gotten better - but what is off a little and what we need to make better.

I use to see the compassion that use to come automatic to me, as almost something weak. That is was a way for people to take advantage of me. (which did happen) Now I realize that having that compassion balanced with some boundaries and strong spine can be a wonderful blessing and gift in my life. I am sure it will take a while to let go of my first instinct to make sure no one walks over me - but I think with time I can finally find the balance I am hoping for!

Another year older - means another year to grow a little wiser....if we are willing to be honest with ourselves.