LOVE ONE ANOTHER

So we are taught by Christ to "Love One Another". I have been thinking about this today while at Church, and during some of my reading. I believe all of God's plans and wisdom is of course for a reason. So I started thinking about this and families. I think the Lord had the plan of families, to teach us HOW to "love one another".

Kim B. Clark wrote - "The Lord wants us to learn to love everyone, but the plan is that we start by learning how to love and serve those we know intimately. In this there is great opportunity for growth."

How better for the Lord to teach us and guide us to, hopefully, love everyone - or "love one another" - than to have this divine plan called a family?


I mean seriously isn't being part of a family the ultimate "boot camp" of learning to love people unconditionally!?! I know that I love my children unconditionally. I have to - if am to survive the throwing up, dirty diapers, endless laundry, being a taxi driver to them, supporter of each, cheerleader to all, leader, and giving up my "to do list" at the last minute because of their needs....without even a second thought. In those moments I am not thinking "poor me", I just act out of the love of a mother. It is later that night when I am exhausted that my more human mind points out how I did nothing on my list and I am tired of dealing with poopy. ;)

Families are the perfect place to learn not to yell - how to show love and concern - how to sacrifice - how to lose oneself in serving others --- and on and on and on. All the things that truly help us learn how to be Christ-like in our lives.

Are we perfect at it? Of course not....that is the great thing about this life. We get to learn and grow - if we so choose.

I know as I look back at the week or two of the "no yelling" and "no saying things more than once" that it has helped me take a step in this area. I always knew I loved my kids and without a second thought I would die for them....but at the end of the day was I truly loving them with all my heart unconditionally? The answer made me sad - it was "no" a lot of days, or at least "love them but not liking them too much at this moment" was the feeling at the end of that day. But in these few weeks the answer has been way more times a "yes". I figured out it is because of my response to them.

See, when I have not allowed myself to "lose it" with them, or let them "push my buttons", or "drive me crazy" to point of going over the edge, I do not hold any frustration towards them. I am calm, and love them and try to teach them that they choose to act a certain way , and that they then in turn choose the results their actions cause. There is no need to allow feelings - like a good friend use to say - "a feeling like I could drop kick them across the room" {not really but you get the picture}. We want our kids to show calmness and love and kindness...they will only do that if they see it in us.

I still have days I fall short in this area --- but I think having this thought today about Jesus teaching us to "love one another", and the family is the place to truly start living it and learning it --- I think I might just possibly have way fewer days that I feel I am falling short in this area. I can at least hope and pray for that. =)

So I challenge each of us to try - just for one day - to truly love one another as the Lord has taught us. Maybe if we each did that, it wouldn't be such a scary world to raise our kids in. Just a thought.

Balancing -- and we all fall down

So this question has been running through my mind lately. "Am I just an abnormal mother?" I ask this - because it seems to me there are many areas that I am just WAY different in my thinking than those around me.

The biggest way is leaving my kids with other people. Kirk and I have gone "out" more the last 6 months than we have in our entire marriage. That is due to having an almost 14 year old daughter, and a baby that is no longer nursing. Kirk and I go "out" to the store, a 20 minute bike ride, or to the Temple - that is the longest date. Anyway, my friends around here go out at least once a week for two or three hours. They have a get together with other couples - no kids - at least once a month. I do not like leaving my kids home for more than 2 1/2 or 3 hours tops. I feel guilty and worry about them. Kirk and I go out of town maybe once a year - there have been a few times it has been twice -- but we alwasy have our kids stay with one of the sets of grandparents. And even then I feel bad asking them to do that.

I guess I just have always looked at it like this -
Kirk and I decided to have 5 kids - no one else. We are at the Season in our lives that we still have young kids and they are our responsibility. I do not feel good about leaving them with others to watch once a month or more - so we can go play. I figure it is up to Kirk and I to be creative in how we can find things to do together that does not keep us away from home for long. Like movie date night - we get take out and a movie for the kids and a movie for us. The kids stay downstairs with their movie and we sit in our bedroom and have dinner and watch a movie with no kids. Or we go for a 20 - 45 minute bike ride together.

It just seems lately we have had sooooooo many offers to go do fun things with other couples, and I am always telling them we can't go, or only for part of the time.

Another part of it is - if my kids have been home most of the week, with no activities with friends - and we have some extra money (yeah right) to do something, I would rather do it as a family. Make memories with all of us.

One couple wants us to go on a full day bike ride with them. We need to do this at least once this summer, but that means asking someone to have our 5 kids at their house all day, or having someone come to our house all day and interrupt their plans.

Then the Bishop and his wife invited all the Bishopric to their house in West Yellowstone for a Fish Fry at 6:30 in July, and then to go to the Playmill Theater to see a play at 8:30. But that means we would be leaving here about 5pm and getting home around midnight. And it is in the middle of the week! So people have to work the next day. So I thought I came up with a good balance for the night - we would come to the dinner and socialize - and not go to the play. But I am already getting the "guilt" about how there is plenty of time to come with a solution so we can go to both. I would love to - but I still say I am at a season in my life that I need to balance kids, work, husband, self, and Church.

I need to feel like I am not letting one area slide ( too much) while I focus on the rest. I have friends that are involved in EVERYTHING. They have small children and have no problem handing them off to neighbors, parents, whoever. That is great if that works for them - but not for me. For heaven sakes - I am the one that has run a company out of my house for 5 years - with no room for it - because I did not want my kids to think that IT was more important than them.

Balance - I guess it just comes down to what works for each of us as individuals. But it does not stop people from making comments that make me feel like I am abnormal or crazy. Which I do not understand - I am not judging them on how they balance things or do things.....if it works for them great - but why do I have to do it their way!?! And if I don't I am just weird.

Another thing is rules. We have different rules than almost EVERY one of children's friends. But I just keep telling them that every house is different. That what one set of parents feel is good for their family and home, is not going to be the same as us. And that is ok - because each set of parents can be helped by Heavenly Father to know which rules work for which kids, and which families. And over all - our kids are great and good kids. They still are kids and drive me crazy at times - but they are good kids.

Oh well, just had to throw that question out into the universe. Maybe I just need to keep doing what I am doing, whether I am abnormal or not - it seems to working be for us on most days. =)

Grand Ol' Flag

Tonight was Pack Meeting. I am the Cub Master and was in charge of it.

We had a bbq outside and did a flag ceremony. We had the field lined with full size flags posted - 12 of them. It was beautiful!

There is just something about the American flag - waving in the sunshine. Something just stirs up in me. I feel so very blessed to live a country with so many freedoms. I am so thankful to all the those who have served or are serving in the military and their families. They have made such sacrifices so that my family can have the life they have.

I shared a story about John McCain tonight at the Pack Meeting. Sen. McCain tells about when he was a prisoner of war. And that at one point one of the other prisoners had taken pieces from clothes, scarves, handkerchiefs - whatever he could and used a bamboo needle he got a hold of. This prisoner made an American Flag and sewed inside of his shirt.
Every day when they got a bowl of soup - they would hang the shirt up and say the Pledge of Allegiance before they ate.

Here these men were beaten, starved sometimes, and had a terrible life as prisoners -- and yet it was important to them to pledge allegiance to the country they were serving.

I LOVE this story. It just makes my heart just fill with pride to be an American.

So - to all those who are or have served - Thank You! And God Bless America!

We are Home!

So Coulson woke up at 2:30 am to have a drink...he can't have one because he is not allowed anything after midnight because of his early morning proceeder at the hospital. He is upset -- and decided to be stubborn and stays awake ---- until he is at the hospital! So Kirk and I are up from 2:30 am this morning. He cried when they took him into the room for the oral surgery. I cried walking back to his hospital room. I laid down and tried to rest a bit while we waited. It was about 7:45 am when they took him back and about 9:30 am when we were taken to the recovery room. they could not get him to calm down. He was very loopy and not awake completely - but he could feel the splint that was on his right arm that was keeping his arm still with the IV in it. He was crying and trying to get it off. I had not eaten anything this morning at all - or had anything to drink and when he started waving his arm around blood started going up the IV. I got light headed and the had to wheel me to his room. I felt so stupid. But they immediately had Kirk carry him back to the room too and I laid in the bed holding him.
he was out of it for awhile. Kirk finally was able to ask him if he wanted to go for a walk and see the fishies in the lobby. That seemed to be the trick. They took off the splint and we headed down the hall.
We then came back to the room. He had also eaten part of a Popsicle before we went on our little walk. And when we got back he drank a little juice and had some ice chips.
Long story short --- he is doing ok and is asleep on my bed still.
The DDS had to do a root canal on his right front tooth and fill a cavity on the left front one. He then put a cap on both teeth. he put sealant on the molars and extra fluoride on the other front teeth. Coulson has to go back in two weeks for more fluoride on the front teeth. and to check the caps. It is just crazy that he drank juice form a bottle for only 4 months - we brushed his teeth twice a day and he still ended with a root canal!!! Amanda drank juice for 1 1/2 years and never had any problems with her teeth.
OH Well, I am just glad it is over. I hope Coulson is up and about tomorrow. Now, I need to go lay down and try to rest while he is sleeping still.

What a Difference a Day Makes (good and bad)

So Friday did not end up at all like I had hoped. It was as crazy and full of running the whole day. We finally all hopped into my bed at 9 pm to watch a movie until Kirk came back from a trip. My nerves were shot by that night. Then Kirk gets a call at around 10:45pm from a friend that said he wanted Kirk to go on a motorcycle day trip in the morning. I told him to go and enjoy himself. I knew he really wanted to go - and he works so hard - that I couldn't ask him to stay home. But I have to admit there was a little - very little - part of me that wanted to yell "NO!!!!! Stay here - I cannot do another day of kids without you! I need to get things done without 5 kids in tow!" But I didn't.

So Amanda comes in Saturday morning and asked if I was going to let her spend the morning with her friend - since dad was already gone - so that meant no yard work yet. I asked when she would be home - "probably like 1pm" she said. "Fine, go" I told her. Then I felt bad for the other kids. They are always staying home while Amanda goes here and there with her friends. So I decided that I should drive them to I.F. (25 minutes away) to the Mall so they could spend their birthday and chore money they had. Plus my 8 year old decided to get her ears pierced - which my girls can do at 8.

My husband calls and said he thought of some things we could do when he got back - if we wanted to stay home instead of going to I.F. and do some chores until he was home. I relayed this to the kids --- but then decided that did not seem fair. Kirk and Amanda were off playing and we all were to stay home working. Then EVERYONE got to go play!?! So I decided to just to go to I.F. to be fair to the the little ones. But the almost 6 year old screamed and cried for 30 minutes about going fishing with Dad instead of going to the Mall. I tried to calmly explain how he could do both - but it was not making any sense to him.

So, by the time I was finally ready to get everyone in the car my nerves were shot again.
I.F. was great. Kids made some good choices with their money - daughter was brave as she had her ears pierced. Then I decided to make the most of the gas money spent to go to I.F. and go grocery shopping at WinCo because they are cheaper than any place in Rexburg. We did the shopping - had a car load - and went to start the car....nothing. Tried again - nothing. The car would not start. But the AC was working and the radio so the battery was not dead. I could not figure it out. It was now 1:30 - Amanda was home but Kirk who thought he should be back by 1 also was not. I called my sister, brother-in-law and even my MIL who was 45 minutes away just to get some help on figuring it out. I checked everything I could think off. Half hour later in the hot sun - $15 roast I splurged on sitting in the car -- Kirk called at 2:10 saying he was on his way. 10 minutes later from his car he asked if I had the car in park. I said of course the line is on the "P". He said to push the gear stick up hard and turn the key - I did - the car started right up! It seems that the gear had slipped a little and was not in "park" all the way. I was thrilled it was nothing major or expensive to fix - but irritated that I had not even thought of something like that 30 minutes before.

The day just went down hill form there. I even tried having a big picnic at the park and let the kids go on the water slide for dinner. But afterwards we had to make a stop for Kirk and while he was in the store the kids were just out of control picking on each other. I tried not to yell on the way home - but I had a very tense and loud voice about how I was done and burnt out and shaking, my nerves were so shot and on and on. Funny thing was as soon as I got it out of system - I was fine. Very calm and in a while not upset at all. I think I just needed to let it out.

Went to Church today - that was very nice. And later this afternoon I found my almost 6 year old sitting in the big chair in the living room with his 18 month old brother. CJ was telling Coulson to fold his arms. Then CJ would tell Coulson to say things - like "Say Dear...Heavenly....Father....Thank you....for ..... our...family....for....Jesus....for...house....in...name...Jesus....Christ....Amen." Those are the moments as a mother I live for. It helps me realize the stressful days come and go - but moments like that last forever!
Tomorrow is the big day for Coulson. I will update tomorrow about how it goes!

Too Many Thoughts - Too Little Time

The other day my husband and I were talking about how the last month or two it seems that our voices are being raised - yelling - or we are grounding our kids left and right. We have not been able to figure out why. But it is getting to be more often we are upset with our kids than being calm with them.

I told him we should just stop. Just stop yelling. Just stop telling them things three, four, or five times and then yelling to get them to do something. We have taught them to react this way. We have allowed them to learn that we do not mean it the first time we say it. We only mean it the 5th time when we are yelling.

So, yesterday I told the kids that I was done doing that. I would tell them once. Then I would remind them of what we are talking about right now, then there would be a consequence. I would not yell, I would not repeat myself 5 times, and I would not give into any amount of whining once the consequence has been placed. I loved them and respected them too much to yell at them, or teach them not to respect me. They assured me they loved me, knew I loved them and they said they respected me. I said wonderful - so this should be easy.

Today, I did not raise my voice once...not when the almost 6 yr old climbed and straddled the railing that is in the stairwell - where if he fell, he would end up at the bottom of the staircase in the foyer on the tile floor. Not when he climbed up later that night when he stood on a box and leaned on the other railing that is in the foyer and drops straight to the tile floor. Not even when he sprayed 2 different kinds of bug repellent spray (like OFF!) on himself while standing inside the house - in the upstairs hallway. I had everyone open all the windows, and directed him to the shower to get all the chemicals off of him.

I even stood my ground with my 8 year old daughter. She was getting ready to go to the water slide at our local park with her brothers and sisters. I was going to drop them off for 45 minutes while I ran and filled orders for my company. She started screaming about not finding her swimsuit. I reminded her that I was not going to allow yelling in the house. I calmly asked her to stop and go find her suit. Look in the laundry room, since the last she saw it was in the bathroom - and the dirty clothes that day had been picked up by her brother and put in the laundry. She had a meltdown. I calmly told her she had once chance to stop and then she was not going. She kept it up. I then said, there was no need to find the suit. She would be going to work with me. She begged, she pleaded and asked what she could do to get the water slide back. I told her nothing at this time. The consequence was in place. She knew and was warned to stop acting that way , and now she will have to live with her decision.

I have to say, it was hard. I felt bad that she didn't get to go on the water slide - but she now knows Mom means what she says. And Mom never had to raise her voice once to be taken seriously. She came up to me tonight and said she was sorry, and knew I was not a mean mom like she said when she was upset. I guess everything will be ok.

Called the Hospital today to pre-register Coulson - (18 mos. baby) - for his dental surgery Monday morning. We go in 6:30 am, he is taken in at 7:30 am. I have had a peace about it. He went for his 18 month check up today. They also cleared him for the procedure Monday. He is only 21 lbs., and 31.5 inches. Small for his age - but so bright! He has over 100 words. He can follow directions. He can say a few words together to make sentences. He amazes me. His Dad is very nervous about it. Which is funny to me. He has never been really nervous about nay of the other kids when they have had things happen to them. Normal Fatherly worry for each situation - but not nervous. I think because Coulson is so little for his age, our last baby, and we had more concerns during my pregnancy with him, may all add up to why Kirk is the way he is with him.
Kirk has a nickname for each child - Amanda is Punky, Parker is Bug - now Bud, Adyson is Little One, CJ is Chief, and Coulson is Friend - more specific My Friend. He loves each of his kids. He celebrates each of their strengths or talents. Amanda is wonderful at music - Cello, Piano, Singing. Parker is going to be a filmmaker someday. He just has a memory and thirst of knowledge for this subject. Adyson is a wonderful writer. She makes the best cards. When she is asked to make a card for something like Father's Day - th other kids will write the normal love you and happy father's day...she writes all the things she wishes and hopes for Dad on that day. And then list the things she loves about them. CJ has a lot of energy and once he sets his mind on something he cannot be taken off of it. Right now this is can be a frustration for us - but it will be a huge blessing in his life when he is older. Coulson is a fast learner. He learns a new word or item every day. Kirk loves these things. He also loves that the kids like to listen to all kinds of music, they like all kinds of movies, and have a desire to be good and make good choices.
Anyway - with ALL that said, he seems to be a little more protective with Coulson. Maybe it is because he sees how big the other kids are and how they can take care of somethings themselves, and Coulson is not like that yet. He is still a baby. I will post what happens. Fingers crossed and prayers being sent.
This week - well really the last two weeks - have been crazy! I have not been running. Like I have said before - house seems to be out of control with clutter --- things being dropped as we run from one thing to the next. So tomorrow is "little running as possible" day. Parker is not going to Band Camp at 8 am. We are first going to sleep in - because it is summer vacation and we need at least one day this summer that we do that. Then we will stay in our pj's until just before lunch. We will have breakfast, and turn a movie on while we pick up the downstairs. We will not answer the phone or door. We can then get cleaned up for the day - have lunch - I will have orders to do for work (reading time for the kids)- and then we move to the upstairs. Clean and pick up every room upstairs. Then free time will come in play - kids need fresh air. After free time for the kids, we will check and see what is left, do dinner, play games maybe and watch another movie...because you also have a day you watch two or three movies with your kids. Just so they can say - we worked hard, but had fun playing and watching movies that same day. WHAT A DAY!!! Now, let's see how the real life plays out tomorrow.........

Father's Day

Father's Day is a great Day to remember our Fathers, Grandfathers and those who are like Fathers to us.

I will start with my Husband -
Kirk is the Dad that can pick up a crying baby and the baby calms right down. The whole family knows that Kirk has a special touch. Children just seem to be drawn to him. The perfect example of this was years ago at a Dinosaur Museum. There was an area in this little corner for little kids. They had toys, and hand puppets - all dinosaurs and books about dinosaurs. The floor was a rug that the kids could sit and play on - and there was a bench that wrapped around the area for the parents. Kirk was sitting on the floor reading to one of our littlest. Our child got up and was playing with some toys. Kirk just sat there with his legs crossed - when just then a little 18 month old looking girl came up to Kirk turned around and sat down on his lap. She looked up at him like - "ok ready". Kirk asked her if she wanted to read a book. The mother of the little girl kept calling her by name and telling her to come here. But Kirk said it was ok. The mother came over and took the girl and apologized to Kirk. Like I said - kids just seem to sense something about him. I am so blessed to have a man like him as my husband and father of my children.

My Father -
My Dad and I have an interesting and great relationship. When I was little he would give us horsey rides on his back - he would get down on all fours and buck me and my little brother around the room. He taught me how to keep my foot on the base and stretch to catch the balls that the other kids would throw pass me when playing softball. When old enough to drive, once in awhile he would have me drive him down to the gas station in my car, fill it with gas - go in to pay and come out with a pop and a Snickers bar for each of us. He would then tell me he would drive - go the long way home and say not to tell my mom. When I was engaged and he and my mom were having a hard time with me getting married so young --- we would argue on the phone to the point of yelling. Then at the end we would be laughing and saying "I love you". My Dad has been my biggest cheerleader for my business. He believes I can do anything -- but has his moments of still treating my like a dizzy blonde or a 12 yr. old. I know this is just because I am still and always will be, his little girl in part of his mind and not a grown woman with 5 kids. He is the best "Papa" in the world. He will stand at the pool table at his house for over an hour with the littlest of the grandkids, so they can sit on it and push the balls all over the place. He works more than 10 different businesses just to build something for his family in the future. Family is everything to him, and I so appreciate this.

My Father-In-Law -
My FIL, Larry, is a great man also. Just like my husband and father - he too is a hard worker. He taught Kirk how to work and honest day for an honest pay. He taught him to honor his Priesthood, and family. To teach your children to honor their mother, and show her respect. Kirk says he does not remember his father raising his voice too often with him - except one time when Kirk mouthed off to his mother -- his father was not going to allow that. Larry set Kirk straight right then and there. Kirk never forgot that. Larry and I have a great relationship - and I am thankful for that. Getting along with in-laws is a huge blessing. We have an ongoing teasing session. We know that we must love each other - otherwise we wouldn't take the time to pick on each other. He has told me how much he appreciates how I support his son and the kind of mother I am to his grandchildren. What more could a girl ask for from a father-in-law than compliments like that?

I am so glad my children have these great men in there lives -- my sons can look to them to learn how to be great and honorable men when they are grown, and my daughters can see what kind of husbands to strive to marry - and not settle.

Happy Father's Day to all those great Dads in the world!

Airplanes Everywhere....but no CJ to be found!

So today was the annual Airplane Show. It has become a tradition for us to go. It started at 10 am. But we were running a few minutes late and the traffic was bad enough that we sat at the corner to turn on the the road for parking about 10:10 -- not too bad. So the first few acts we saw from our car -- kids out of seat belts going from one side of the car to the other trying to see the planes in the sky. Me wanting to say - "Get in your seat belts, there is a cop up there!" - but I am not going to be a freak today. I am going to let me kids be kids and enjoy themselves.

We park not to far away, load up with water bottles, chairs, sunscreen,hats, and stroller that carries most of the things and not the baby. Because lets be honest - he is lighter than the stuff.

We pass through the gate - I am head counting - making sure we are all together. I am pushing the stroller and the troops are following. I find a place I think is great - we are not too far back from the runway and can see well. After we start to set up Kirk says we should move. I don't care - I just want to be sitting and watching at this point. That is when I realize - we are missing CJ. My 5 1/2 yr old is gone!!!!! I look all around us - no CJ. I scan up and down the area with all the people - NO CJ! I tell Kirk I am going to head down the way we came. I assume he will go the opposite way. This whole time he says to calm down - and that he will be back and that maybe CJ will learn from this. He also assures me he will show up. I don't care - it is my job to FIND him. I am sure he is scared and cannot see over all the adults walking around.

I walk the whole length of the runway - one direction. I turn around and start back to where I started. I see where our chairs are and make eye contact with Amanda as I approach. "CJ?" I ask - she says no. Kirk is still sitting holding the baby in the same place I left him!!!!! I will be upset with him later.

I turn and see a police officer standing by a bike. I approach him, his back is to me - and before I can say anything, the woman he is speaking to at a table ask, "Are you missing a little boy?" A flood of relief rushes over me as I say "YES!" "Is it one of these two?" she asks - as the police officer moves so I can see next to her. Two little boys about the same age -- and yes CJ is one of them. He is eating a cookie and looks very sad. He runs to me and I sweep him up into my arms. His legs are hanging as I walk away with him held tightly in my arms. We get back to our chairs, and I sit down. I cannot help but let the tears finally flow.

Adyson ask why I am crying. I said - "I was so scared - but couldn't think about it while I looked for CJ. I guess the tears are because I am so happy and over joyed he is safe - that it is ok to cry now." I find out that he had kept walking to look at the cool planes - then turned around and couldn't see us. The police found him and took him to their table to wait for us to find him.

Then CJ announces a minute later that he has to go to the bathroom NOW - and cannot wait.

We stand in a line of 30 people ahead of us - at least - for the port-a-potty. We wait and wait and wait. Just as we get close where there is only 6 people in front of us - he screams while holding between his legs - that he cannot wait another minute! A sweet older woman behind me taps me on the shoulder and points to the grassy area behind the building and says - "Just take the poor boy behind there." I do. I rush him and get him around the corner and he is pulling his pants down a little as we turn the corner --- just to see a woman changing a baby on the ground - we make a wide quick loop pass her and he has his relief. I really do not think we had another second to spare. As we walk back towards the line of people still waiting - the "grandma" lady smiles and ask if we made it. Then her husband says, "I wish she would grab my arm and run me behind a building instead of having to stand here!" Nodding to his wife.

CJ is the child that I fear the most for. He is the one I am just holding my breath that he does not get hit by a car, falls off some playhouse roof and breaks something (or a real roof), that gets taken by some horrible stranger, or that we end up leaving him at a stop during a car trip. The kid never listens, follows directions, and seems to do the exact opposite that he is suppose to. I color my hair off and on now because I started having grey hair spring up --- and I know exactly who has given them to me. He is also the one that is to blame at least in part for every scratch and bruise and cut lip the baby has had. In fact Thursday night he was the reason the baby ran off my bed head first into the floor. Which resulted in a huge knot on his forehead. Coulson is fine - but he was hurting that night.

What a lot of people do not know is that I had a miscarriage just before I became pregnant with CJ. I was only 8 weeks along - and the baby had only developed to about 5 1/2 weeks. I knew the minute I found out I was pregnant that it would not last. I cannot explain how exactly I knew - except I was prompted in my heart. I even when I told Kirk I was pregnant - that it would not lost. Then two months later I was pregnant with CJ. I had a definite impression that I had had the miscarriage because the body of the first was not developing right - and this little spirit needed a body that was developed completely. Now having CJ here and with us almost 6 years - there is no doubt that his little spirit would have gone crazy in a body that could not run and move and get into as much trouble as it does.

CJ is one of those boys that has a smile that just looks like trouble - but he is also the one that writes a paper about his mom (me) that says his favorite thing in the world is to have snuggles with me. That that is his favorite activity to do with me too. So as a mother, I ask you, how can you not love a kid like that? (Doesn't mean you couldn't drop kick him across the room every other day too though.) j/k

Oh - and the air show ended up being a great time - once all heads were counted - and then counted again - and then again --- ok so I kept counting them about every 10 minutes the rest of the two hours we were there. I am a freak - I admit it. And I didn't stay mad at Kirk more than 15 or 20 minutes either.

I wonder what life for people who choose not to have children is like --- definitely quiet and I bet a little boring.

Mom's Taxi is closed for the Day!! Thank Goodness!

So here is my schedule today ---
Parker Band 8 am (Kirk took him - such a blessing)
Amanda Fiddle Camp 9 am
Pick up Parker 10 am
Coulson Dr appt 10:40 am (not done until 11:40 am)
Orders filled - 11:45 - 12:30
Run kids home - 12:30
Pick Amanda up 1 pm
Lunch 1:30 pm
Customer Service work 2 - 2:50pm (had to wash Parker's uniform that was dirty)
CJ gymnastics 3 pm
Pick Amanda up for Ball practice 3:30 pm - she changes her mind about going - turned back around to gym
CJ done with Gym 4pm
Get everyone ready for Parker's game and leave - 4:20pm
run by Kirk's work for phone charger 4:30pm
Parker's game 4:50 - 6:45pm
Dinner - 7 pm
Clean up 7:30 pm
Clean out loft area so I can set up tee-pee and tent for the kids to "camp" in and watch a movie for bed - 8 pm
laundry - 8:45pm
Blog posting 9 pm
I am soooooooooo glad today is coming to an end. I had to take a mental break for a second and blog ------ before I go downstairs and inventory new swimsuits that came in and have to go to the silk-screener tomorrow.
After looking at today no wonder my house is not in perfect order. It is not a complete disaster, but is definitely lived in by 7 people ( 5 of which are children). And the laundry is a never ending pile as usual.
I have to say that the kids were better behaved today than they have been in a whole week. Maybe with all the running there was not enough time for them to get grumpy about things. Tomorrow is a little better - but Thursday is just about the same as today. Ugh! I guess I should just appreciate that today is done and tomorrow is a little better - and not look past that.
Count your blessings mothers - name them one by one. {Even if there is only one you can think of at this moment. =) }

Great Idea!

I had a great idea today. I have a neighbor that I Visit Teach. (Visit Teaching is an assignment you receive in my Church. You are assigned a lady or two to go into their home once a month and take a message about the Gospel, and to visit and see if there is anything you can do to help them in their life.) Anyway - this lady is going out of town with her husband and 6 kids for three weeks on Wednesday. I know she had a ton to do before they left, besides packing. I am swamped with my schedule with all my kids this week, that I knew I could not fit in making dinner for them to help out.
Then today at the grocery store I had this brilliant but simple idea come to me. Paper Goods! I know before I leave on a trip, the last thing I want to worry about is dishes - or have to fight with my kids to do them. So I bought, paper plates, cups, plastic bowls, forks, spoons, napkins, and zip-loc baggies. When I showed up she was thrilled to see what I had. She told me she had just finished doing dishes for the 3rd time that day, and had had it with doing them. So it must have been an answer to her prayers, and for once I guess I was listening to the Lord so he could use me -- even if it was just paper plates and stuff!

Baby Teeth

I do not know about other moms out there - but I have always thought of myself pretty good about taken care of my kids and their health. I always get their immunizations on time - take them to the dentist when old enough twice a year - force them to bath or shower a few times a week. So I am shocked that my little 18 month old has to have his two front teeth worked on---in the hospital where they can put him to sleep! In two weeks, I will hand a stranger my baby to have them put him to sleep and hope there are no complications. Most people would point out that hundreds of thousands of people have this done everyday. But our family has seen what happens when a problem occurs. My husband;s Uncle went in for a very routine surgery --- he had stomach fluid come up during surgery and get in his lungs. He has now for at least 6 years it may have been longer - been on oxygen, in a wheelchair most of the time, and cannot be active in anyway - cannot even work -- because someone didn't do their job like they were suppose to - and there was a freak accident.

I realize that the odds everything will be fine --- but I watch as my 18 month old learns a new word a day - and puts words into sentences already - knowing from having 4 other kids - that he is really ahead for his age -- and I fear having him come out different. I mean I would be feeling different if it was life threatening, but it is not. Granted if it is not taken care of the cavity in his front tooth will spread like wildfire to his other teeth.

As a parent what are you to do? Just trust the "experts" and pray for the best? Figure maybe you will have a miracle if you do nothing and the cavity will not spread and you can wait until he is older? Have them pull the teeth and deal with the "no teeth" until he is older and then fit him with a pair of fake teeth until his big permanent teeth show up?

The problem with his teeth is his right front tooth has a little hole in it. His left front tooth is discolored -- both are from cavities. His teeth being more prone to cavities, growth being a little slower than normal for his age, drinking white grape juice as the doctor told us to have him drink, use to be on a pacifier, and lack of fluoride in well water have more than likely all contributed to this happening. The DDS said there is not one thing to point to --- it is like pulling a piece of straw from a broom and trying to sweep - but all together the straw makes a whole broom. The same is with his teeth - not one thing is the cause - it is all them combined.

So now I will be praying A LOT to find the answer of what we are to do. Once I get a feeling of that - then I will be praying that I will have the peace I need to follow whatever that is. Life as a parent is never ending of the worrying. If you are not worrying about big things, then you are worrying about the little things like "Did they put there helmet on before riding down tho their friends house? And did they remember to put shoes on this time?" Then life throws the unexpected in to the list of things to worry about. When that happens all the other concerns seem to just disappear for at least a minute.

Positive Note

It seemed to me a lot of my entries - even the last one I just posted are me venting about something. I truly am not an angry person, and hope it does not come across that way. It is just nice to have a place to release some of these thoughts once in awhile.

So here are some postives in my life today.
I finally moved my business - 'Ohana Swimwear into a bigger building. No more trying to step over boxes - what a joy!
My oldest daughter has helped with the baby without being asked all week. Very nice.
The 5 and 8 yr old weeded the area in the front that was never ending weeds, without being asked yesterday. They did a great job...even if they did pull up and throw away all the ground covering plants I planted last year. (My husband was able to find 2 of the 10 - to replant.) We didn't say anything to them about it - it is not very often the two of them do any work of any kind without being threatened. They even worked without fighting -- complete joy and bliss for this mom!
My 11 year old has his last baseball game tonight!!! He even stayed in the batter's box while hitting - instead of backing out each time a pitch came - last night. This was huge for him. He was hit by a ball a few years ago and still is a little shaky in the batter's box.
I was able to talk on the phone to two of my closest friends -- one I left in Utah when we moved and the other I have know for over 20 yrs. (boy does that make me sound old!). How I wish they were both close to me. They both have such wisdom in so many areas - and are great to vent with!
And last but not least --- I heard from the doctor's office yesterday. I do not have Lupus -- I have rheumatic fever which is something that will get better over time instead of worst.

Like my favorite songs says - "Its just another ordinary miracle today." Life truly is beautiful - and is truly a miracle everyday.

Groceries, Gasoline, Clothes - Oh my!

Is it me or is it almost cheaper to feed a family of 7 fast food off a $1 menu than it is to buy groceries for a meal any more!?! Lunch meat is now almost $7/lb. unless you buy the lunch meat that is so full of water and pressed that it is slimy after two days. that is more expensive than steak!!!!! And I use to think chicken or turkey corn dogs was the answer to a cheap and quick lunch for my kids - but during the summer they will eat 2 or 3 a piece at one meal! That is at least 8 corn dogs plus 1 for the littlest. 9 CORN DOGS! in a box of 24 - we are talking less than 3 lunches. Milk prices makes me want to go buy a goat and make my children learn to love goat milk! Cows are too expensive to keep. I cannot walk into a store to buy just a few items without it costing over $20. It kills me. No wonder our nation is overweight --- it is cheaper to buy sugar cereal and processed food than it is to buy whole and nutritious foods for our kids. It just isn't right.
Then there is the whole gas price thing! Getting to the store to buy the groceries is out of control. $4 for a gallon of gas --- $4! It cost me $4 just to run into and out of town. Forget it if I have to go to more than one stop. I do not know how I would do it if we lived further out of town. Or if my husband had to commute like a lot of people do now a days. And it wouldn't be so bad, except then you hear of the reports how the gasoline companies have had record profits and the top exect. are all getting these HUGE paychecks. While the rest of us are trying to decide if we can afford to take our daughter to softball 20 minutes away for games each week because of the price of gas. And the league is so concerned that they schedule double headers almost each week, so you only have to come down once - which would be great if the games were not at 7:30 and 9 pm each time.
All I can say is thank goodness for Walmart. I know there is a lot of controversy over this company -- but when I can still find items of clothing for every member of the family for under $8 - I am a happy camper. Not that they have everything I need or want, but for the basics is nice to have one place I can still find a deal or two.
Enough of the ranting and raving --- but I am sure I am not the only one out there thinking these things. (Can you tell I just got back from grocery shopping with all 5 kids?)

Are we judged by our children's outfits?

So I had all 5 kids in tow while running errands. The last stop was grocery shopping. As I am standing in the checkout I start doing my normal head counting of children. I noticed my 5 yr old was not next to me - he was in the aisle across from us. I couldn't tell what he was doing. My almost 14 yr old daughter was asking him what he was doing and he kept saying "nothing". Finally I could see, he was pulling out coupons from a little coupon holder on a shelf. He would then stuff them down into his boots. Now these are not just any boots - they are rain-boots - that are bright red and look like firetrucks. They have "wheels" on the sides of the boots and everything. He is wearing these boots with royal blue shorts, and an oversize grey sweatshirt that has Power Rangers on it (he has never even seen the show but loves this sweatshirt). I tell him it is time to go. I push the cart with the baby in it towards the door - while over my shoulder barking out orders - "keep up everyone" "Adyson and Parker come on let's go" "Amanda do you have CJ with you?" Leaving the store I add "Watch for cars" as I look back at everyone. I then see my 5 yr old in full color - his wonderful outfit - and now coupons sticking out of the top of his boots have been added.
I cannot help but laugh at this - such a kid moment. It was truly priceless.
But I have to admit I saw a few people give us a weird look. And I wondered if I was being judged as a mother with my son looking the way he did. And I thought - I hope so! If a mother can allow her child to run errands like he was, you know she must love him enough to let him be a little independent when it really does not matter what he is wearing. She is letting him be a kid - and enjoy the time in his life that it is ok to go grocery shopping in rain-boots - or even in a full Batman costume when it is not Halloween! It has taken me 5 kids to learn this - my first 2 kids didn't get this much understanding and freedom - those poor children.

Baptism, Motorcycle Rides, and A Beautiful Sunday

Saturday May 31st my 8 year old daughter was baptized. In our Church we wait to baptize our children until they are 8 - we believe they are old enough at this time to decide to be baptize and make a promise with God to keep His commandments.
She looked like an Angel -- she even acted like an Angel - that day. She was her sweet self that is hidden by her screaming - I don't want to be told what to do - self. Anyway. She was all in white. She looked like a princess. I kept thinking - just keep this picture in your mind...because there is a good chance it will not last long. I was right. By Monday morning she was yelling at me about how she didn't want to help pick up, and how she didn't have to, and how she wasn't going to. In those moments as a Mom you can either stay quiet and tell her once to get it done and walk away --- or you bring yourself down to her level (an 8 yr old child) and scream back. Monday I kept my dignity -- Today was a different story. I had not even been able to get out of my pajamas and eat breakfast before she was yelling at me about not cleaning up the mess her and her 5 yr old brother made early before others were out of bed. I kept cool for the first 20 minutes of her outburst -- then I lost it. Took off after her - as she realized I was not going to listen to it any more and she ran upstairs to her room. Yelled at her through her door about how she would not talk to me like that and she would stay in that room until I decided to come get her - threatened her with a spanking (which does not usually happen) and being grounded from friends (which happens a lot). Yes, I know - not one of my most shining moments as a mother. But I kept thinking in my mind - she does not act like this with anyone outside of the family. She is great at school, Church, the neighbors - some even have nick-named her "SMILEY". Why does she treat me - her mother that loves her more than anyone else could - gave birth to her - feeds, loves, cooks, and cleans for her -- why me? Then it hit me - because I am a safe place to let all her frustrations out on. Does not make it right - and she really does need to stop it -- but she knows I will still love her even after she is mean like that. She knows that her mother will love her - in spite of her mean streak. I am sure someday she will outgrow those moments - they really aren't a 24 hr. a day event--- but a few times a week is still too much for me.
After the baptism Saturday - we had a lot of family come back to our house for a huge lunch and visit. Some left after lunch and my husband's side of the family stayed until after dinner. There were kids everywhere! They were having so much fun. We even got out the big water-slide for them -- and my husband got out his motorcycles for the guys. He thought they would ride his old one because he just bought a new one less than a week before. But the new one is cooler - and he figured they had all ridden motorcycles before. Well, by that night after everyone left he noticed the pipes were scratched and dented. Now this made my husband very sad (not mad) at first because the value dropped on his bike in one afternoon --- but he is also a man who knows it just a bike and would not have been mad at anyone about it. Except - no one told him they did it. He said that hurt more than anything is that no one came and said - I tipped your bike over and I am really sorry. With Kirk being honest about something goes along way. He is over it now - disappointed I am sure - but moving on. So much for our perfect brand new addition.
But with that said - it was a wonderful day. Everyone had so much fun and no one got hurt - which is amazing with that many kids running around all over the place. The rain even kept away until just as everyone was pulling away.
Sunday was even more beautiful. My 8 yr old daughter was again dressed in her white dressed so she could be presented in front of the congregation on Sunday. She was beautiful inside and out. We had a nice meal and went for a drive in the sunshine. Came home and took the 8 yr old daughter and 11 yr old son to a Primary fireside about traps Satan has for us - and how to be strong and stay strong - and how it easier to keep out of traps in this world if we just stay as far away from them as possible. But that if a trap gets us - that we can get out of it with the Savior's help. And it is not the end of the world. But it hurts a lot less if we never get trapped. It was very on their level and really great!
All in all it was a great weekend. But after a couple of days of butting heads with my daughter, I wonder if all moms go through days like this -- or do they have perfect and wonderful days like our weekend was? I envision them like the princess in Enchanted - so "bird singing around them" while the real crazy world doesn't even effect them. Then there is me noticing the birds and thinking how lovely until a child starts screaming "MAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM" and thinking "I never thought I would want to ignore that name". Oh well, here is wishing for fairytale days in nightmare schedules, dirty dishes, laundry and kids - in a Reality TV Show World we live in. And to be honest most days that hope and belief that the fairytale is possible is what keeps me striving for it and facing another day.