Children - Babies - Next Season of Life

Of my 5 kids, the two oldest have their moments - but have been pretty easy kids over all. The next two are the ones that give me grey hair - that I totally color! =) The 8 yr old will get upset and yell any time she is asked to do something. It is like I am picking on her because I point out what she needs to do - and has not since I asked three times before. The 6 yr old screams when ever he gets upset. I put him in time out for yelling in the house or throwing a fit like a two year old over having to turn off the video games, or come in from playing outside. But time outs only increase the yelling. I have prayed and prayed for guidance on how to be his Mom and help him break this habit --- but I swear he just like to hear noise coming out of his mouth. Because sometimes I say something and he doesn't hear it - and so he stops crying and screaming instantly and asked what I said in a very calm voice. It seems I get pulled into yelling just to be heard by the two of them - and THAT does not help bring a feeling of peace in our home. I guess I just need to keep trying and praying and hopefully I will get a light bulb moment on the solution to it all.

So I think I had a miscarriage last month. I could have not been more than two weeks along - passed a lot of tissue. But having this happen and unplanned and thinking we were covered - it brings into mind the question of is there another baby waiting to be apart of our family - or are we done? I had such problems with the 5th and last - physically after the baby was here - that we both felt it was very selfish to take a chance of something happening to me and leaving our children without a mother. But I have to admit - making it permanent that we are done is a lot harder to decide. It is basically just getting in the mindset that we are now done with that season of our life (having babies) and moving officially on to the next stage of raising the kids and moving towards the years of being empty nesters. I realize that is years away - but it goes soooooooo fast. Seriously - I could be a grandmother in 6 to 7 years at the earliest. But it is a possibility. And that will be here faster than I want to admit to myself. Plus I think about the fact that I still need to figure out how to be the best mom for the two that I struggle with. I love them all so much and do not think it is fair to add a baby when they all need more of my attention right now at all the different stages they are in. I guess I do not have any answers right now - and not really feeling like I need an answer - but it helps to just write it all out.

The most important thing I can hang on to, is that through the questions of what is to come next, how to teach my kids the best way for them, and where I need to head in my life - is that I know that I am not alone. I KNOW that my prayers are heard and answered - too many times in my life that show that is true. It is such a comfort having that knowledge. I feel so blessed to know this as life gets crazy and stressful. Because that is just the way life is - it doesn't mean life is horrible - in fact I feel like I am so blessed I sometimes wonder why I am so lucky.