Parenting

As a parent I have found myself in an area I never thought I would have to face....the 14 1/2 yr old daughter zone!!!! (Be afraid - Be very Afraid!) And realize you WILL get more grey hair - in the last three weeks I have had 10 hairs pop up. I have named them after my daughter. I say I never thought I would be here - because my teenage daughter has always been one I can talk to - we have our disagreements - but we always seem to work through things. She is also good about trying to see where her Dad and I are coming from. Not any more. She is still a great girl - but she will argue her point to the day she dies if I let her. And when we do see her side it is never enough for her.

Example - we have a rule that there is no night time school dances until she is 16 and can go on dates. After school dances are fine. We also have a rule that she can go out with friends or do an activity like a dance, once a week. After all she is 14 years old. When she is 15 or 16 that will probably change. Each year she gets a few more privileges. So she was allowed to go see a play with a friend this Thursday. It was a school night and she was not going to be home until after 10:30pm, but her friend did not have anyone to go with and she had not been able to do anything with this friend for quite some time. So we felt as long as she did not complain the next morning about being tired we would let her go. She then tells us the next day she would like to go to the Winter dance next Friday night. We tell her she knows our rule about night time dances. She then pleads her cause - which we always allow. She explains it is the only night time dance - there is only access to the gym and bathroom and there are always lots of teachers. Also that this is the only 9th grader only dance of the year. It is the one dance all the 9th graders look forward too. They get to wear nice clothes - but not formals.

We hear her out and decide we would allow this one exception. But instead of being grateful - she then also says she wants to go to the movies tonight (well this all was last night) with her friends. We remind her that she already went to the play this week and she is going to the dance next week. If she would like to give up her dance next week - we will allow her an extra activity for this week. She says she does not understand why we won't let her do extra chores or something to earn the movie night. We try to explain to her that we already went and agreed to the exception to the rule on the dance - and it is about choices - life is full of them. IF she would like to give up the dance she can go to the movies. It is her choice. After a very long argument from her I finally says "What are going to choose?" She states that if she HAD to choose she would choose the dance - then starts her argument again. I cut her ff by saying, "Wonderful. You have made a choice - the dance it is. Thank you for talking with me and explaining your point of view. But we have gone over EVERY point we need to from both our sides and we have come to a conclusion. Love ya." And I get up to leave. Because I know if I stay there she will argue her point another 1 1/2 hrs.

My point is as a parent I am thankful we still talk - argue - whatever. But it drives me crazy that she is not thankful for what we try to let her do. That we truly try and see why things are important to her and be flexible when needed. I also know from working with youth that girls go through this stage. Mouthy - defiant - argumentative - and moody. It hits just before 14 1/2 and stays usually until just after 15 1/2. Then just before they turn 16 they return to their usual helpful and understanding child. I just hope I can survive this coming year. And that I don't get any more grey hair! ;)

With all this said - I have to say I AM blessed to have a daughter that is a good girl - and we are not facing more SERIOUS problems that many parents of teenagers face.